


Coveted

by Asexual_Ravioli



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Abortion, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, High School, M/M, Modern Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-14
Updated: 2017-02-14
Packaged: 2018-09-24 10:20:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9718169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Asexual_Ravioli/pseuds/Asexual_Ravioli
Summary: Levi, who mysteriously disappeared from high school senior year, reunites with Erwin on the night of their ten year high school reunion.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Gift for my eruri Valentine exchange partner niuniente! It was so much fun to write this for you!

Erwin had always been vaguely fascinated by him in high school, but, he reminded himself, he wouldn’t be here tonight. Of course not, he thought. So he should stop looking for him. So he should…He sighed and drank his champagne. He was alone at a big table. Just waiting. He straightened his tie for the fourteenth time. His former high school classmates were mingling. It had been ten years, huh? Though he still lived in town, he hardly saw any of these people. The ten years they’d been separated had barely changed them. And then he saw her.  
“Erwin!” Marie yelled from the door twenty feet away. “Erwin!”  
He smiled and raised his hand in greeting, then froze in place when he saw who entered behind her.  
Nile Dok, he thought. My best friend and… He realized he should continue waving, smiling.  
They approached. Erwin saw with a sinking feeling in his gut that Nile’s arm was slung over Marie’s shoulders. Ten years. Why were these emotions still raging under Erwin’s skin?  
Erwin tried to focus on anything else. Marie looked gorgeous tonight. Her long light brown hair curled and settled on her shoulders. She wore a sparkly pink dress that showed off her curves. She was beautiful. And not his.  
“Erwin,” Marie said warmly. She draped her arms around him. She even smells the same, Erwin thought.  
“How are you?”  
“Great,” Erwin said, sure that Marie would see through his phony smile. Marie was too good at reading him. She appraised him for a moment but said nothing.  
“Hey, Nile,” Erwin said. Nile grinned and embraced him.  
“It’s been too long,” Nile said.  
“Are you guys still living in Trost?” Erwin asked.  
“Yes,” Nile said. “I recently moved back here, and, well, we found each other.” Nile and Marie shared a smile between themselves, giddy and loving. Marie then set a sideways glance on Erwin, gauging his reaction.  
Erwin wanted to know everything. How long, exactly, had they been together? Were they living together? Were they in love? If Erwin had looked up Marie before Nile did, would he have had a chance? He said nothing of it. To say anything would be to admit that he wasn’t, was never, over her.  
“Where do we get some of that?” Marie asked, gesturing to Erwin’s glass of champagne.  
“Over there,” Erwin said.  
“I’ll get us some, honey,” Marie said to Nile. Erwin saw her leave in what felt like slow motion: her soft rolls of hair flowing away from her face, her sparkling pink dress glinting in the light, her pale skin radiating good health, and her green eyes full of life. She had a familiar happy bounce in her step. And then she was gone, leaving Erwin to stand with Nile.  
“So,” Nile said. “What have you been up to?”  
“I’m a writer,” Erwin said.  
“That doesn’t surprise me,” Nile said with a smile. “Written anything I’ve heard of?”  
“Not unless you’ve been reading technical manuals. Boring stuff,” Erwin admitted.  
“Ah. Well we all have to start somewhere.”  
“Exactly. I have been writing a novel. For a while now.”  
“What about?” Nile asked.  
“Oh, nothing,” Erwin said, not wanting to admit that he was writing about something as juvenile as man-eating monsters.  
Nile let it slide. “As for me, I’ve been in the business world. I’m a big boss now.”  
“Wow,” Erwin said. “Fire anyone lately?”  
“A few times,” Nile said with a grimace. “My least favorite part.”  
Erwin nodded. Before he could say anything, Marie returned. She handed Nile a glass and sipped from her own.  
“Erwin was just telling me that he’s writing a novel.”  
“Oh!” Marie said. “About what?”  
Erwin shrugged, though he knew it wouldn’t work on Marie.  
She narrowed her eyes and smiled. “I’ll get it out of you.”  
He knew she would. Eventually.  
“What are you up to, Marie?” he asked.  
“Marie’s an artist,” Nile said proudly.  
“That’s right,” Marie said, blushing. “I’ve got a gallery of my work coming up soon. You should come to the premiere.”  
“I’d love to,” Erwin said. He remembered her work from years ago: painted canvases that could have passed for Renaissance art, he always thought. They were truly beautiful. He knew it intuitively, not really knowing anything about art beyond the superficial.  
“Hey, is that—“ Nile began, pointing off at the door.  
“HEY!” a voice boomed. “ERWIN!”  
Erwin laughed. “I think it is,” he said to Nile. “Hanji,” he said before being tackled by the woman in question.  
“Erwin!” Hanji said, at last freeing him from her crushing hug. “How have you been?”  
“I’ve been fine. I see you’re the same as ever.”  
Hanji nodded, a grin spreading on her face.  
Nile shifted nervously…and accidentally became the focus of Hanji’s attention.  
“Oh,” Hanji said. “Nile.”  
“Hanji,” Nile said, politely enough. They had, for whatever reason, never liked each other.  
“Is that?” Hanji said. “Marie?”  
Marie practically squealed, and all at once they were hugging and then chatting amicably.  
“Hanji!” Marie said. “Are you a mad scientist yet? What are you studying? Where did you go to school again?”  
As Hanji and Marie chatted, Erwin and Nile shared a look. There was never really a reason for Nile’s and Hanji’s enmity toward one another, but Hanji and Marie could go on like a wildfire. So the girls talked, rapidly filling one another in on their lives, their hands clasped between them.  
“Have you met anyone else here?” Nile asked Erwin.  
“Not really,” Erwin said.  
“Erwin Smith?” a woman’s voice said. Erwin turned. It was Petra Ral. With Auruo Bossard on her arm.  
“Hey,” Erwin said, embracing the woman. He noticed she was pregnant. He glanced at Marie, who had just noticed her. “Petra Ral,” he said. “Auruo, how have you been?”  
“That’s Petra Bossard now,” Petra said. Auruo beamed.  
“You’re having a baby?” Erwin asked.  
“Our third,” Auruo said.  
“Wow,” Erwin said. “I guess a lot can happen in ten years.”  
Petra nodded, a hand resting on her belly.  
Marie came over. “Petra,” she said. “Three kids? Are you crazy?”  
Petra laughed. Erwin tried then to read Marie. She seemed happy enough. Though maybe… Erwin quickly shook himself from those thoughts. It was all in the past. Wasn’t it?

 

They weren’t quite ready to call it a night. So Erwin, Nile, Marie, and Hanji drove over to a new bar in downtown Trost. It was called Bar Sina. From the exterior, it looked pretty high class. Erwin tried to remember how much money he had in his bank account, calculating how much he could spend.  
When they entered, they were greeted by a warm swell of jazz music, a live band on the stage to the left. The atmosphere was electric. The lights were low. It was crowded, a huge amount of people sitting at the little circular tables in front of the stage. They managed to find a table near the back.  
“I’ll get us some drinks,” Erwin said.  
Erwin went to the bar and waited for several minutes. He couldn’t see a bartender anywhere, so he closed his eyes and listened to the band. They were just finishing up a lively number. When they were done, there was generous applause. Then he saw him. The man set down his trumpet and headed for the bar. It couldn’t be, Erwin thought. But it was. He went behind the bar and started yelling at someone in the storage room behind it.  
“Oi, Eren! You were supposed to be watching the bar while I was playing! What the hell?”  
Levi.  
He turned to face Erwin. “Lousy kid,” he said. “He’s…Erwin?”  
“Levi,” Erwin said, not hiding his surprise.  
A boy, the one Levi was yelling at, came out of the storage room. Levi quickly changed gears. “Excuse me,” he said to Erwin. “Eren,” he said. “What the fresh fuck were you doing back there? We have a customer.”  
“I was…uh…” Eren said.  
“Whatever. I don’t even wanna know. Go clean the men’s bathroom.”  
“Again?”  
“Again? Yes, again. I’m sure you didn’t clean them well enough the first time. Go.” Erwin took the time he was berating the boy to study Levi’s profile. He was still as lithe and angular as Erwin remembered. He still, as Erwin always thought, looked a little bit dangerous.  
Levi’s verbal smackdown finished, Eren scrambled away toward the men’s bathroom.  
Levi sighed. “Erwin,” he said. “What’ll it be?”  
Erwin shrugged. “What do you recommend?”  
“I make a mean old-fashioned.”  
“Okay,” Erwin said. “Four of those?”  
“Who are you here with?”  
“Nile, Marie, and Hanji.”  
“Hanji,” Levi said. “God save us.” Levi began preparing the drinks.  
“So,” Erwin said. “You’re a bartender now.”  
“Your powers of observation boggle the mind, Erwin. I own this place.”  
“Wow,” Erwin said. “So where did you disappear to? Senior year.”  
Levi looked up at him blankly. “You’re wondering how a high school dropout owns a successful jazz bar.”  
“Levi,” Erwin said.  
Levi shook his head. “I work hard. That’s how.” Erwin detected some defensiveness in his manner. He decided to drop it for now.  
“I saw Petra,” Erwin said.  
“Oh?”  
“She’s married to Auruo Bossard. Two kids and one on the way.”  
“Petra Bossard. Name doesn’t suit her.”  
Erwin smiled. Petra and Levi had been together, however briefly, in high school. Did his feelings for her run as deeply as Erwin’s did for Marie?  
“Where are you guys sitting? I’ll meet you when the kid finishes cleaning the bathroom.”  
“You’re not gonna play anymore?” Erwin asked, meaning the band.  
“My lungs are tired,” Levi said. “We have another trumpeter anyway.”  
The drinks were ready. Erwin carried all four back to the table.  
“You’ll never guess who owns this bar.”  
”Who?” Hanji asked, already grabbing for her drink.  
“Levi.”  
Hanji spat out her mouthful of old-fashioned. “WHAT?!”  
“Fuck,” Nile said, wiping Hanji’s drink off his shirt. “Levi Ackerman?”  
“Yeah.”  
“LEVI!” Hanji yelled, headed for the bar. In the distance, Erwin saw Levi put a hand to his face.

 

Dammit, Levi thought. Erwin blew my cover already. He had thought he’d have at least a moment of peace. Everyone was enjoying the band, no one was bothering him, and he could give his precious bar another wipe-down.  
He heard Hanji before he saw her. He threw up his hands in defense as she all but climbed over the bar to manhandle him.  
“You’re…choking me and…spilling your drink everywhere.”  
Hanji let him go. She had one leg over the bar and an empty glass in her hand. He shoved her to a standing position on the other side of the bar where she belonged.  
“What do you want, Hanji?” He scrubbed at the bar with a clean rag, trying to get Hanji’s filth off as much as possible.  
When she didn’t answer, he glanced up. She looked surprised and a little lost. “I haven’t seen you in ten years, Levi. No one knew where you went off to senior year, and you’ve been in Trost the whole time? I thought you’d be happy to see me.”  
Hanji had an innate ability to make him guilty whenever she got serious. Otherwise she was insufferable, but now…  
“I’m sorry, Hanji. I guess I’m still the rude asshole you met in 6th grade. Yeah, I’ve been around. If it makes you feel any better, I haven’t talked to anyone else either. I’ve kind of been keeping to myself. Tonight was the ten year reunion, wasn’t it?”  
Hanji nodded, apparently accepting his apology. “So is it true?”  
“Is what true?”  
“That you went to prison senior year?”  
“What do you think?”  
“I just really like the idea in theory. Anyway,” Hanji said, a maniacal grin split her face. “Guess what?”  
Levi sighed. “What?” He folded his arms. This had better be good.  
“Erwin’s single. You liked him. You still like him, right? Right?”  
Levi kept a neutral expression. He felt a thrill run through him. “Okay.”  
“And Marie’s with Nile again so—“  
“Yeah. Okay. Fine.”  
Hanji kept smiling. “I can wingman for you. Please?”  
“No thanks, Hanji,” Levi said. “There is no earthly fucking way that you’re done yet,” he said to Eren who had just come out of the bathroom with an armload of cleaning supplies. He dropped a bottle of disinfectant.  
“I’m done, Levi. It wasn’t that dirty.”  
“Fine. Mind the bar, will you?”  
“Yes, sir.”  
“Let’s go, Hanji.” He exited the bar, Hanji skipping alongside him. He saw Marie first. She was as lovely as ever. Not that Levi was straight, but he could still see how radiant she was. Nile was looking at her like she was a goddess. And so was…of course he was. Erwin had been head over heels for Marie ever since Levi met him. That was why Levi could stand Nile: he took away the chance of Erwin being with Marie, and made Levi’s pining less creepy.  
Hanji looked at Levi before they reached the table. “You’re glowering, Levi.”  
Levi tried to rectify his expression. He settled for his old standby: vaguely pissed off.  
“Hey,” Levi said to everyone. He took the only seat available. Right next to Erwin. Still an Adonis, Levi thought as he studied Erwin’s profile. Erwin turned to him.  
“It’s nice to see you again,” Erwin said with a gentle smile. His hand found Levi’s shoulder. The touch lasted mere seconds, but Levi felt a warmth there long after Erwin had removed his hand.  
“Yeah,” Levi said. “You too.” He turned his attention to Hanji. She was busy telling Nile and Marie about her latest research grant. She went pretty heavy on the scientific jargon, soon losing Nile and Marie who managed somehow to look attentive and understanding.  
Erwin nudged Levi. “Some things never change.”  
“Yeah. After all these years…Hanji still does things to me,” Levi said. He was rewarded with a laugh from Erwin. “So what about you? What have you been up to?”  
Erwin hesitated. Levi noticed.  
“What?” Levi said. “Are you a stripper for bachelorette parties?”  
“No…” Erwin said, and Levi could tell he was trying not to smile. “I’m a technical writer.”  
Levi nodded. “Any more short stories?” Erwin had shown them to Levi in high school. They were amazing, with characters who seemed real, and strange worlds that Levi got lost in.  
“Sometimes,” Erwin said. “Right now I’m writing a novel.”  
Levi sat up straighter. “Really? What about?”  
Erwin looked nervous then. “Well…”  
“Just tell me.”  
“Well, it’s in this walled city. And it’s walled because there are these humanoid monsters that eat the people. It’s stupid.”  
Levi shook his head. “That sounds really cool. It’s not stupid.”  
“Thank you, Levi. Honestly I’ve been working on it for a couple of years and I haven’t told anyone as much as I told you.”  
Levi stared at him for a moment. “You barely told me anything! Don’t you have friends?”  
Erwin rubbed at the back of his neck. “I’ve kind of been going it alone.”  
“You and me both.” The closest friends Levi had were in his band, and he paid them to be there. It was kind of lame honestly. And then there was the matter of his drummer. He glanced at Mike, busily keeping the beat on stage. Yeah, that was different.  
“So how did they build a wall with all those monsters around?” Levi asked.  
“That’s complicated,” Erwin said.  
“Explain it to me.”  
Erwin’s eyes lit up. “I think that would give away too much if I told you.”  
“So let me read it.” Levi could tell he’d have to be bold here to get Erwin out of his shyness.  
Erwin thought for a moment. “I suppose I could let you look at the draft I have. But I wanna fix it up first.”  
“Don’t take too long,” Levi said, knowing Erwin’s standard of perfection. “Tell me more about it, though. Do the monsters get inside the walls?”  
“Yes. And there’s this team of people who—“  
“Erwin,” Marie said. “Are you telling him about your book?” She pouted. “You wouldn’t tell me.”  
Levi felt a sudden pride at being privy to knowledge that Marie didn’t have on Erwin. He knew it meant nothing, but he let it feel like something. A sign.  
They got to talking about Marie’s gallery show. Marie invited Levi to come too. “It’s next Wednesday,” she said. Levi nodded. He glanced at Erwin. If he’s going…  
His thoughts were interrupted, as they always seemed to be, by Hanji. “I need another drink. How good is that boy at martinis?”  
“He sucks,” Levi said. “You’d be better off making it yourself.”  
“Make it for me then,” Hanji said, standing. Levi could tell she had an ulterior motive.  
“Fine.”  
They went to the bar, Levi kicking Eren out. “A martini, you say?”  
“Erwin would be interested in you,” Hanji said, picking up a conversation they had dropped over ten years ago.  
“If it weren’t for Marie?” Levi said, irked. “It doesn’t matter. He’s not gay.”  
“No, he’s not,” Hanji said, leaning in.  
“He’s not?” Levi said, very surprised that Hanji had just agreed with him.  
“He’s a raging bisexual, Levi. Just ask him out.”  
“No.”  
“Why not?” Hanji asked, frowning.  
“Because he’d say no. He’s a Greek sculpture and I’m like…a ball of Play-doh sculpted by a five-year-old.”  
Hanji shook her head. “Erwin doesn’t see you that way.”  
“Erwin doesn’t see me at all.”  
“You’re an idiot, Levi.”  
“Back at you.”

 

High School  
Levi tried to remember the good in his life, but it was difficult. He tried to remember jazz band, to remember Hanji, to remember the boy he was hopelessly in love with. But as he held his mother’s hand through her initial diagnosis, through failed chemo rounds and radiation, all the way to the hospice where he now sat, Levi was finding it increasingly difficult to keep himself together.  
“How are you today?” his mother asked. She laid there, all ninety-eight pounds of her, her short black hair lacking its pre-chemo luster. The room was dark and quiet, a small turned-off TV on the wall and doctors around every corner.  
“I’m good, Mom” he said. He couldn’t bring himself to ask how she was. It was, as the doctors had all said, only a matter of weeks.  
“And how was school?”  
“Great,” he lied (he barely made weekly appearances at school by now). “Except calculus,” he said with a face to make his mother laugh.  
She chuckled. “The Ackermans have never been strong mathematicians.”  
Levi shrugged. What could he say to a dying woman? He was finding it increasingly to find things to say to her, so, mostly, he lied.  
“And how’s jazz band?”  
“Good…”  
“What are you playing right now?”  
“Um…” Her steel grey eyes caught on his. He couldn’t think of anything.  
“If there’s one thing I don’t appreciate, Levi, it’s being lied to.”  
“I’m sorry, Mom. I’ll go, I just…”  
His mother held up her hand, her eyes closed. “You have to graduate, honey,” she said simply.  
“But I don’t know if…”  
“Promise me you’ll graduate, Levi.” She opened her eyes then. There were tears there.  
“Fine. I promise.” What else could he say? He knew that he was failing most of his classes, but he didn’t want to hurt his mother more than he already had.

 

The next day, Levi went to school. Everything there seemed fake. What was it like to live in a world with both your mother and father? With college as given? With your head in the clouds? Levi thought to ask Marie. Why was she so lucky? Why did she have everything? Why did she have the world falling at her feet? Why?  
Levi didn’t ask anyone these things. He went to class, seeing in his teacher’s eyes the knowledge that he wouldn’t be able to graduate this year. He went to jazz band. They had already found another trumpet player.  
Of course he ran into all sorts of questions at lunch. Marie and Nile were busy making eyes at each other (apparently they had gotten back together again while Levi was absent), but Erwin and especially Hanji were asking what had kept him out of school.  
It was easy to say “fuck off” to Hanji, but Erwin’s imploring voice was more difficult to resist. Still he managed to get away with muttering how he was busy with some stuff. How was he supposed to explain that the chemo couldn’t keep up with the spread of the cancer and his mother had opted to just…give up and die? It hurt him to no end the way it sounded. It made Levi hate her and then hate himself for hating her.  
It was a cold day in January when his mother finally passed away. He had officially dropped out of school by then. He figured he could get his GED soon. Anything to make his promise to her halfway true.  
Yes, Levi tried to remember the good in his life, but maybe this time…he had failed.

 

Erwin got everyone’s numbers. His heart beat a little faster when he saw that Marie’s number was the same as in high school (he had memorized it). But now he was interested in another number: Levi’s. He’d never had it in high school. They hadn’t been all that close, though Erwin always wanted more of a relationship with him. It didn’t mean anything, Erwin thought, that he had to resist texting him immediately.  
In fact, Erwin found strength enough to refrain from texting Levi all week. What would he say anyway? Hi? Hey? What’s up? He was terrible at texting. Or should he just show up at Levi’s bar? At any rate, the man was on his mind for some reason.  
Tonight was Marie’s gallery show. He struggled a while with what to wear. Did he have to wear a tie? A suit? What does one wear for art? He eventually decided on a plain button-down shirt with black pants. Nothing too ostentatious.  
He arrived early. Too early to go in. He sat in the car for some time, reminding himself that Marie was just a friend. It hurt to even think it, but it was true. She had never once reciprocated his feelings. He had gone over these thoughts a thousand times before. Nile wasn’t the only obstacle: Marie just didn’t like Erwin in that way. It was hard to tell, honestly, with how much she had teased him in high school. She would flirt with him, that was all Erwin could think to call it, when Nile wasn’t around. But it had been nothing more than mockery to make him blush. He had blushed easily back then. He could only hope that Marie had grown beyond this childishness so that she wouldn’t see him blush again.  
He stepped out of his car and headed into the gallery. Immediately he sighted Marie and Nile. Marie was in a sleek black dress that once again showcased every inch of her beauty. She hugged Erwin. “So glad you could come,” she told him.  
Erwin looked around while Marie chatted with a guest. Her art was…very different from what it had been in high school. Gone were any recognizable figures. Erwin guessed he should call this abstract. The placards that held the titles of the pieces seemed incongruous to the works. For example, how did a piece entitled Purple #2 feature only shades of orange and blue? He couldn’t even find Purple #1. He was baffled and in over his head here. What if Marie asked him what his favorite was? Maybe he should just point as a piece and ask her to explain her intent. That might give him some clue as to what the hell was going on here.  
“I don’t get it,” a familiar voice said next to him as he stared, lost, at a piece.  
Erwin turned and saw that it was Levi. He was dressed in all black with a red tie. He looked sharp.  
Erwin had to laugh. “I don’t really get it either. In high school…”  
“In high school, she was good,” Levi finished for him. He cast his gaze around, but Marie was far away, possibly chatting up some wealthy patrons.  
“Yeah,” Erwin agreed. “I hate to say it.”  
Levi grunted.  
“I didn’t think you’d be here, Levi. Why did you come?”  
“Well, I thought you’d be here.”  
This surprised Erwin. Why did it matter whether or not he was here? Did Levi want to be his friend?  
“Anyway,” Levi said. “I really don’t get this stuff.”  
Erwin nodded. Levi had already said that. He was acting strange. Before he could get a grasp on his thoughts, Hanji appeared like a whirlwind.  
“Hey, shortstuff,” she said, putting an arm around an already irritated Levi. He grabbed her arm and twisted.  
“Say that again.”  
“Ow! Ow! Ow! I’m sorry! You’re very tall?!”  
He let her go. Other guests were starting to stare.  
“Well,” Hanji said, rubbing at her arm. “Have you seen the compositions on these? The way she plays with negative space is fascinating. And the way she subverts color theory is quite…”  
Erwin tried to follow Hanji, thankful that somebody knew what Marie was trying to do with her art. Hanji had been knowledgeable in almost every subject imaginable since he had first met her. The first time they had met, she explained in great detail the way in which the hotdog he ate was made. He couldn’t eat hotdogs after that.  
Levi wandered off in the middle of Hanji’s speech. He was never one to pretend he was interested in what someone, anyone, had to say. His brusqueness was intriguing to Erwin.  
After a time, Hanji went on to explore the rest of the gallery. Erwin stood in front of a piece, awkwardly pretending to find meaning in it. The moment he had dreaded came when Marie found him.  
“Hey, Erwin. How do you like it?”  
“Well, the…what do you call it? The negative space is…” he trailed off upon seeing the look on Marie’s face. She looked like she was about to cry.  
“You don’t like it,” she said in a small voice. She blinked back tears.  
“No, no. Marie,” he said, waving his hands as she began to break down.  
“I know it’s…different,” she said. “My stuff. My real stuff isn’t what art collectors want right now. All they want is…this bullshit. And you don’t like it. I want you to like it.”  
“You should paint what you want,” Erwin said. “I love seeing it.”  
“But no one is buying. I should have known what I was getting into. Becoming an artist.” She said the word “artist” with disgust, as if she hated all the word encompassed. As if she hated herself.  
“Marie…”  
“I’m fine,” she said with a smile.  
Nile joined them. Marie instantly hid her feelings and, smiling, kissed him on the cheek.  
“She already has some buyers,” Nile said.  
Marie nodded, still smiling.  
“That’s great,” Erwin said. “That’s really great.”  
Erwin didn’t know what to do. Could she really not tell her own boyfriend how she was feeling? Maybe she would tell him tonight. Erwin could only hope.  
Marie drifted off to speak to other guests, and Erwin found himself alone again. The gallery would be closing soon. He didn’t have anything to do after this, but he didn’t feel like going home. The answer to his problem came from Levi.  
“Hey,” Levi said. “Wanna get out of here?”  
“God, yes.”  
Levi cracked a smile. “We can go to my bar.”  
“Let’s just say goodbye to Marie and Nile first.”  
They found them in the middle of negotiations with a very affluent-looking man. The sum of money he proposed was no small offer. Erwin watched Marie’s plastic smile that didn’t reach her eyes. Once the man left, Erwin hugged Marie goodbye.  
“I’m so glad you could come,” Marie said, a very serious look on her face.  
Nile looked between Erwin and Marie. He was starting to tell that something was amiss.  
“Nile,” Erwin said and shook his hand. Levi waved goodbye to them both.  
Bar Sina wasn’t far from the gallery so they decided to walk.  
“So why Sina?” Erwin asked.  
“My mother’s hometown,” Levi said simply.  
They walked in silence for several minutes. He felt Levi’s gaze occasionally fall on him. He didn’t know why he was under such scrutiny. Before he could find a way to ask, they had reached the bar. Levi took out a set of keys.  
“It’s closed?” Erwin asked.  
“Late on a Wednesday night. Not a great time for jazz.”  
Erwin nodded, and Levi unlocked the door. When he turned on the lights, Erwin could see just how big the place was without people. The chairs were upside down on the tables. The stage was empty. It was an eerie, liminal sort of space. Levi didn’t seem to mind it as he got behind the bar.  
“What are we having tonight?” Erwin said, sitting down on a barstool.  
“Vodka on the rocks? I have a pretty good bottle here.”  
“Sure,” Erwin said. He watched as Levi loosened his tie, exposing more of his pale neck. There was something happening to Erwin, as it often happened in the presence of Levi, that he didn’t quite understand. He stared at Levi’s neck. The urge to make a mark…he shook himself from these thoughts. It wouldn’t, he thought, come up tonight.  
Levi poured their drinks. They clinked their glasses together. “To modern art,” Levi said facetiously.  
“To modern art,” Erwin repeated and took a drink.  
“Hmm,” Levi said. “I’d like to get you drunk tonight.”  
Erwin laughed. “Okay.”  
“I want to see what an unsober Erwin is all about.”  
“Well, I think I’m rather boring when I’m drunk.”  
“In my profession, I’ve only seen interesting drunks say that.”  
“I’ll have to drive home.”  
“I’ll take care of that,” Levi said with a wave of his hand.  
Erwin lost track of how many drinks they had, but they were both fairly loosened up when the topic of Marie came around.  
“I don’t know what everyone sees in her,” Levi admitted.  
“Sometimes I don’t know either, to be quite honest.”  
“But you still, you still see things in her, don’t you?”  
“Yes,” Erwin said. “But I think I’m seeing less than ever.”  
“Her and Nile,” Levi gestured in the air. “At it again.”  
“And again ‘til the end of time,” Erwn agreed.  
“So you think they’ll get married?” Levi asked.  
“It’s anyone’s guess,” Erwin shrugged. “I just hope they’ll be happy with each other.”  
“You wouldn’t have said that in high school.”  
“No,” Erwin laughed. “High school was different. She was my first love. And I never even had her.”  
“Not in all the times she and Nile were apart?” Levi asked.  
“Not even close. I was more like a brother to her, I think.”  
Levi took a sip from his drink, then stumbled out from behind the bar. “Who do you see…what are you seeing now? In who?”  
His words were clumsy, but Erwin got the gist of it. Who did he like now?  
“I’m keeping that information classified,” he said coolly, taking a drink.  
“Classified,” Levi muttered. “Let’s get out of here.” He was already headed for the door.  
“Okay,” Erwin said, having to scramble after him. “But tell me who you’re seeing.”  
“I was seeing my drummer, Mike.” Levi glanced back, as if to gauge Erwin’s reaction.  
“Oh,” Erwin said. “Where are we going?”  
“My place,” Levi said. “Not far. You can crash on my couch.”  
“You’re not gonna offer me your bed?” Erwin teased.  
Levi glanced back at him. “I just might.” He had a lopsided grin on his face. Very drunk. He and Erwin were very drunk.  
Erwin was a bit too drunk to tell exactly what was happening, but he went along with it. They tottered through the streets for a few blocks. When they entered Levi’s apartment, Erwin nearly tripped over the threshold. Levi put an arm around Erwin to steady him. They got to the couch, threw themselves onto it, and Erwin ducked his head to find Levi’s lips with his own. The kiss was breathy and passionate, making up for what it lacked in duration with its sheer amount of want. They pulled apart and looked into each other’s eyes, both frankly astounded at what had just happened. Then Erwin pulled on Levi’s tie, leading him into another, deeper kiss.  
Erwin ran his hand up and down Levi’s thigh. He looked down at one point to see a bulge in Levi’s pants—and his own.  
“Bedroom,” Levi said. It didn’t take them long to get there. Erwin got Levi’s tie off, then his shirt. He traced the sprawling tattoo’s on Levi’s chest. There were birds’ wings and words written in another language—possibly Russian, Erwin thought.  
“It says, ‘Humanity’s strongest. Humanity’s hope,’” Levi whispered in Erwin’s ear. Then Levi reached for Erwin’s jeans, fingering the button. Erwin froze. They stood stock still in the center of the bedroom. He had never gone this far. Not with a man.  
“Levi, I—“  
Levi immediately comprehended Erwin’s hesitation. “Yeah. I’m sorry. If you don’t want to…”  
“I mean I want to…”  
“It’s okay. I understand.”  
“Levi.” Erwin pulled him into a kiss. “Is it okay if we just…sleep for now? And think in the morning?”  
“Yes,” Levi said and pressed a kiss to Erwin’s collarbone. “Let’s.”  
They fell asleep with Erwin spooning Levi, like two commas nestling perfectly into one another.

 

Levi woke up wondering what the fuck he did last night and then saw Erwin. Fuck, he thought. Did we really? No, we didn’t. The night’s events came flooding back to him. He was glad he didn’t make Erwin do anything he’d regret while drunk. Hopefully. Now he could see how Erwin acted in the cold sober light of day. See if he’d rather just forget about Levi.  
Erwin was sleeping so peacefully, his resting face as handsome as his waking one. Levi got up and headed for the kitchen. He started brewing some coffee, the little coffee machine whirring to life, and began to make some waffles. When Erwin padded into the kitchen, breakfast was almost ready.  
“Hey,” Erwin said, and Levi froze. “Breakfast?”  
“Uh…yeah,” Levi said, looking at Erwin’s slight bedhead, his undershirt revealing his rippling muscles, and his boxers…well. Levi wanted to mount him right now.  
“Great,” Erwin said with a still sleepy smile. “I’m starved.”  
Okay, so he’s relaxed, Levi thought elatedly, but maybe he’s faking, being polite, doesn’t wanna jump your bones like you want to jump his. His mind was going a mile a minute. He almost didn’t notice that he was burning one of the waffles. He put that one on his plate.  
“Nutella waffles,” Levi said. “Wait.” He went to the fridge and got out strawberries. “Gotta be healthy,” he said and put some strawberries on the cutting board.  
“Levi,” Erwin said.  
“What?” Levi began chopping the strawberries.  
“We need to talk.”  
Levi froze. Fuck.  
“It’s just…I want you to know I may have had some feelings for you…for a long time…that—“  
“That you don’t have them for me now,” Levi finished for him. His hands were shaking. He clenched his eyes shut and willed himself to stop trembling.  
“What? No. I’ve had those feelings, and I still have them. These wasn’t some sudden drunk thing.”  
Levi let out a whooshing breath. “You scared the crap out of me.”  
Erwin laughed lightly. “I apologize.”  
He went on cutting the strawberries. His hands were still shaking. He couldn’t look back at Erwin now, or he would lose what little composure he had. He was full of raw nerves now. Probably didn’t need the coffee on top of it. Levi garnished their waffles with strawberries, and they ate in a relatively happy silence.  
“I’m sorry about…stopping last night,” Erwin said once they were finished.  
“Don’t talk about that now,” Levi said, standing to clear their plates. He laid a sudden kiss on Erwin’s lips and was rewarded with a goofy smile Erwin couldn’t quite hide.  
“So what now?” Erwin asked.  
Levi wasn’t sure himself. He shrugged. “We go on our first date. Somewhere.”  
“Okay.” Erwin said. “You name the place.”  
“I’ll think on it,” Levi said. He already had a few places in mind.  
Levi stood at the sink, washing the dishes. “So you’ve always been into guys?” he asked.  
“Yeah,” Erwin said and surprised Levi by getting up and leaning against the counter right by Levi and the sink. Levi had thought his back would be to Erwin for this whole conversation. Now Levi was out in the open, exposed, he felt.  
Levi nodded, staring determinedly at the plate he was scrubbing.  
“Actually,” Erwin said, “I was so in the closet, even to myself, that I think Marie served as a distraction.”  
“But you really liked her.”  
“Yes. I really did.”  
Levi sighed. “I guess there’s no helping that.”  
Erwin smiled. “Are you against my bisexuality?”  
“No,” Levi said. “But I’m against you liking anyone but me.” He said it semi-jokingly, then saw how serious Erwin was taking it.  
“Levi, I promise you that Marie cannot and will not come between you and I.”  
Levi had to laugh. “Erwin, it’s cool. Really.”  
Erwin bent to kiss Levi’s ear. Levi felt heat rush to his face. Flustered, he almost lost the plate he’d been washing for the past five minutes.  
“Here, I’ll dry that,” Erwin said, taking the plate and wisely not remarking on how long Levi had washed it.  
They finished the dishes in another companionable silence. Levi didn’t want Erwin to leave, but by noon he was out the door. Levi waved him off as he left wearing yesterday’s clothes.  
Please come back, Levi thought to himself, a silent single prayer issuing up to heaven. 

 

High School  
They were in the cafeteria, and Hanji had just finished explaining, in excruciating detail, how hot dogs were made. Erwin looked down at his half-eaten hotdog, overcome with disgust.  
“Thank you, Hanji,” he said. “But that doesn’t help with my story. I don’t even know how we got onto this topic.” He was researching time travel for a short story of his, and someone had pointed him in the direction of Hanji, the school’s so-called “mad chemist” who could answer even the questions you never thought to ask.  
Hanji got onto time travel paradoxes (a thousand ways to murder your grandfather before you were born), and Erwin’s mind was just beginning to wonder when somebody slapped Hanji on the back of the head.  
“Hey, Four-eyes,” the boy said. “Why aren’t you sitting with us?”  
Hanji laughed. The boy, black-haired and severe-looking with the frown on his face, pulled on Hanji’s ponytail.  
“Ow!” Hanji laughed. “I’m teaching Erwin about time travel.”  
“Erwin?” he asked and seemed to notice him for the first time. His heavy gaze settled on him. Those silver eyes bored right into Erwin. He felt at once very much seen.  
“Why do you wanna learn about time travel from this goon?” he asked.  
“I’m writing a story—“ Erwin began, interrupted by the appearance of Marie.  
“Heeey, Erwin!” She hugged him tight and kept her hands on his shoulders after the embrace ended. It wasn’t until Nile showed up a moment later that Marie let Erwin go. Nile probably noticed and from the black-haired boy’s raised eyebrow, he did too.  
“Marie, Nile,” Erwin began, “this is Hanji and…”  
“Levi,” the boy said.  
“Levi,” Erwin finished.  
Marie linked her arm to Nile’s and kissed him on the cheek. Levi watched with what looked like bemused interest, his eyes following the dynamic of their relationship through the air around them.  
“What kind of a name is Hanji?” Nile asked.  
Hanji huffed. Erwin had suspected that his question would set off a whole extravagant tale about her name’s lineage, but instead it just made Hanji mad. So began Hanji and Nile’s strife.  
They all sat at the table now, Erwin unsuccessfully trying to keep the topic off of the story he was writing. But Levi wanted to learn more. Nile and Marie listened with interest, never hearing much of Erwin’s now very secretive writing. Levi seemed open to everything, absorbing all the details of Erwin’s work.  
“I wanna read your stories,” Levi said to Erwin once they were leaving the cafeteria.  
Erwin went on instinct and agreed. He knew Levi would be a receptive audience, unafraid to critique him as others were.  
His instinct proved to be right. He gave Levi a fat binder full of all his stories, and the next day they were all slashed up with red pen.  
“This story made me fall asleep,” Levi said. “I didn’t get it.”  
Erwin tried to be offended, but he found the whole thing hilarious.  
“Oh, yeah? What didn’t you like about it?”  
“The end. The old man should have died.”  
“Have you read The Old Man and the Sea?” Erwin asked.  
“No.”  
“Well, that’s what this is based on.”  
“I don’t care. Kill him.”  
Erwin just laughed. And killed the old man.

 

Erwin had no idea where Levi was taking him for their first date. Despite living Trost for most of his life, Erwin knew very little of its night life. They ended up going to an upscale French restaurant. Levi swore by it.  
“Very expensive for not a lot of food,” Levi let him know. “But it’s good. And I’m paying.”  
“Fine,” Erwin conceded.  
The maître d’ seemed to know Levi and showed them to a secluded table in the back.  
The restaurant was posh and beautiful, French-sounding music piped quietly through the speakers. The clientele looked like the sort who would purchase Marie’s modern art. Erwin said as much to Levi.  
“Yeah,” Levi laughed. “I can imagine the one painting of hers with all the green blobs,” he said, pointing, “there on that wall.”  
Erwin nodded appraisingly. “Purple #2 can go by the urinals.”  
“That’s a little harsh,” Levi said with a grin.  
Thankfully, their talk cut off there, right when Marie and Nile walked over to their table.  
“Heeeey,” Erwin said, glancing wide-eyed at an equally astonished Levi.  
“We were just talking about you,” Levi said, getting a kick from Erwin under the table.  
“Same here, actually,” Marie said and scooted herself to sit on the booth next to Levi. Nile took the seat next to Erwin.  
“Oh, really?” Levi asked. “Only good things, I hope.”  
Erwin had half a mind to kick him again.  
“We were just talking about how on the morning after the gallery show I went back to get my purse that I had left—and I never did find it,” she said poutily, “—when I saw both your cars still in the lot. Very curious,” she finished with a triumphant grin on her face.  
Erwin ducked his head. Levi laughed brazenly, in a way Erwin could tell was somewhat embarrassed too.  
“Are we interrupting your first date?” Marie asked giddily.  
“Indeed you are,” Erwin said.  
Nile just shook his head at Marie’s nonsense.  
Marie waved her hands in front of her. “We don’t mean to interrupt. We were just—“  
“Wait,” Erwin said suddenly. “What is that?” he asked, pointing at her hand.  
Marie looked at her left hand. “What this? We’re engaged!”  
“Really,” Erwin said, not believing it just yet.  
“Yes!” Marie exclaimed.  
Nile nodded sheepishly.  
“We’re kind of out to celebrate,” Marie said.  
“Congratulations,” Erwin said. He was dumbfounded. But happy. He realized at that moment that he had to be happier. For Levi’s ease of mind. “I’ll order champagne. Who wants champagne?”  
“I’ll order champagne,” Levi interjected. “I’m paying for everything tonight.”  
“So cute!” Marie hooted.  
When the champagne arrived they toasted to love and drank their fill. 

 

Levi went home with Erwin that night. There wasn’t much talk leading up to the big event. Just some knowing glances and murmured words. Levi undressed Erwin, taking in every inch of Erwin’s beautiful body. Slowly, so slowly, Erwin undressed him and did the same.  
Levi kissed along Erwin’s neck. “I have coveted you,” he whispered in Erwin’s ear. A shudder seemed to go down both their spines.  
“I know,” said Erwin. “I know.”  
The sex was the gentlest and purest Levi had ever experienced. Erwin was a very giving lover, and asked for consent in everything he did. The sex was very vanilla—Levi could teach Erwin a thing or two—but it was wonderful in its simplicity. Afterwards Levi fell asleep in Erwin’s arms.  
When he woke, it was now Erwin who had breakfast ready. It was pancakes. He apologized for the lack of fruit on top.  
Levi accepted the food gratefully.  
“So last night,” Levi began, “was…good?”  
“Yes,” Erwin laughed. “It was very good.”  
“Good.”  
“And I’m so glad,” Erwin said through a mouthful of pancake, “about Marie.”  
“Why’s that?”  
“I don’t know…just her being engaged. It’s finally really really not possible for us to get together. It seems. Like there’s no chance. Not that there ever really was,” he added quickly.  
Levi shook his head. “You have it bad for her.”  
“I know. I’m sorry.”  
“I accept your flaws,” Levi said with nonchalance. “What did you ever do to get so permanently implanted into the friendzone?”  
Erwin laughed. “I couldn’t tell you. I mean, I know, but I can’t.” He got a serious look on his face all of a sudden.  
“What? What is it?”  
“Nothing,” Erwin said, shrugging it off. “Secrets.”

 

High School  
Marie: Erwin text me  
Marie: Erwin please  
Marie: I need you  
Marie: text me now  
Erwin was confused. These texts had all come in the dead of night. He hadn’t heard them while he slept and now it was almost noon. He texted her, thinking she’d have fallen back asleep by now, but her reply came immediately.  
Marie: I’m coming over now?  
Erwin: Okay  
Marie arrived minutes later. Erwin ushered her up to his room.  
“What is it, Marie? What’s wrong?”  
“I think I’m…” She shook her head then sat down on Erwin’s desk. “Erwin, I…I think I’m pregnant.” She hid her face in her hands. “I…I know I’m pregnant.”  
“Marie…”  
“Don’t look at me like that! Like a caught bug.”  
“Whatever I can do for you, I’ll do it.”  
“I want an abortion,” she said flatly, her eyes dead.  
“Oh.”  
“Please come with me. And don’t tell Nile. Please. Never tell Nile.”  
“Okay,” Erwin said. “Okay.”

 

Erwin hugged Marie in the parking lot. Then they went hand in hand to the clinic where she would abort her child. Erwin agreed to sit in the waiting room and take care of her once it was all over. He bounced his knee over and over, wondering at all that could go wrong during the procedure. Marie came back very pale. She vomited in his car on the way back. He told her not to worry about it. He told her everything would be okay.  
She stayed in his bedroom for the rest of that day. He brought her water, food, whatever she could handle. She looked at him with such familial love in her eyes that Erwin couldn’t stand it. He knew from then on that the brother-sister dynamic had been even further established, though this would not stop him from wanting her, he later found. It was a long journey toward no longer being in love with Marie, and he had just taken what felt like the first step. Marie and Nile had their ups and downs, but Erwin saw two people very much in love. He couldn’t disrupt that. He couldn’t even try.

 

“Levi,” Erwin said from bed. “You never did tell me.”  
“What?” Levi asked as he dressed for work.  
“Where did you disappear to? Senior year?”  
Levi sighed. He had known this very question was coming at some point.  
“It was a rough time in my life,” Levi began.  
Erwin waited.  
“My mom was dying. I mean she did die. And I didn’t feel like talking about it. Or going to school.”  
“That’s sad,” Erwin said.  
“But I got my GED. And all that crap.”  
“And me?” Erwin asked teasingly.  
“You are not included in the phrase ‘all that crap,’ but, yes, I got you too.”  
Erwin gave a warm smile and stretched, languished on the bed. “You should come back to sleep.”  
“You know I can’t. And I already have my shoes on.”  
“Dirty up the bed.”  
“Watch your mouth.”  
Erwin hummed.  
“You wanna come to the bar tonight?” Levi asked.  
“Sure.”  
“Okay. Ten?”  
“Yeah.” Erwin yawned.  
“Go back to sleep, Princess.”  
“We’re gonna have to talk about that nickname,” Erwin said and then curled up, falling asleep almost instantly. 

 

Erwin arrived at the packed bar. Levi had saved him a table near the front. He was performing tonight, blaring on his trumpet. He watched the drummer, Mike, Levi had said, with a wry amusement. He remembered Levi saying that Mike and him had been together. Must have a thing for tall guys, Erwin thought.  
When they finished their song, Levi nodded at Erwin. He came up to one of the microphones.  
“This one’s for someone special,” he said.  
Erwin felt a sting of electric energy in the way Levi sauntered back to his place on the stage, felt it before the first note sounded. It was a wild song, full of melancholy and nostalgia, and it ultimately resolved warmly, telling Erwin that, yes, this was their song.  
Levi came down from the stage and put his arms around Erwin, kissing him gently. They ignored the raucous whoops from the crowd.  
“You were great,” Erwin said. “I didn’t know that you wrote songs too.”  
Levi shrugged. “I’m full of mystery.” He sat next to Erwin.  
“You’re full of something.”  
Levi waved at the band, indicating that they should go on without him. He kissed Erwin again.  
“What has gotten into you tonight?” Erwin asked, jokingly.  
Levi shrugged again and looked away. On stage the band was playing a slow, beautiful song.  
“Listen,” Levi said. “I don’t know how to say this but…I love you.”  
Erwin laughed. “Nice delivery.”  
“Erwin.”  
“I know, Levi. I love you too.”  
Levi let out a pent-up breath. “Let’s get out of here.”  
“I would follow you to the ends of the earth.”  
“Stop,” Levi said, though he was laughing.  
“What? I would.”  
Levi shook his head and took Erwin’s hand. As they walked out, Erwin knew what he said was true, all joking aside. When he was with Levi the whole world disappeared. When he was with Levi he had all that he wanted.

**Author's Note:**

> erurink.tumblr.com


End file.
